Tokyo Drift All the Way to the Bank

I've got to admit I've been feeling really down lately. As you know, I've been a Utah Jazz season ticket holder for 27 years now and we once again got screwed out of the NBA Championship. We all know our unstoppable lineup of Booker, AK47, and Matt Harpring was destined to win this year, but the Lakers --- and the refs --- got in our way again. I like men.

So, I went down to Pro-fro-yo-go, one of the 117 different frozen yogurt shops within 100 yards of BYU ... not knowing how I'd get out of the funk. Usually I just find another downline to join, call all my friends and family, and make a cool $750k by lunch, but nothing was inspiring me. Then it happened. I came across a classy sportscar with sweet two-toned paint (just like my Maybach) and a tail (just like my Formula 1 car that I frequently drive to the grocery store). But what impressed me even more was that the owner was not just a speed demon ... he is also a philanthropist and entrepreneur.

I felt like he was speaking to me. Of course by "he" I mean the high-class stickers.

Sick and Tired? Hell yes. I am sick and tired of the Lakers. And my accent.

On a scale of 1-10 do I care about my health at least a 7? Damn right. If I didn't I sure as hell wouldn't spend $14k per month on my daily regimen of Noni, Efusion, Xango, Monavie, Zija, and Maakao.

Do I want to get healthy, make a fortune, and advertise it all while I Tokyo drift in my Subaru? Does a bear crap in the woods? Would I have sweaty man sex with John Stockton?

I guess the coolest thing was that after we started talking I learned that he goes to the same church as me, so he must be telling me the truth about his income. Also, since he used the phrases, "Trust me" and "Let me be honest" I know I am in good hands.

Use of Space - 5/5 - I love how he used the back window and back hood. This way, even black midgets can learn how to achieve financial freedom

Car Rating - 4/5 - Not exactly a 1993 Astro Van, but good enough just the same. Almost too flashy for me. Not!

Bonuses - Personalized license plates are always a good way to go, even if people don't really know the meaning.

Namaste, Fetchers --- Chester Babcock

Que Como Estan Dinero? Entonces!!!!

Hola, Fetchers,

My amigo, Bishop T-Bone Von Sneed, was cruising down 400 West in Provo, UT and came across yet another worldwide Herbalife Distribudor Independiente. Bueno.
This particular distribudor was down in southwest Provo doing some charity work. Why else would someone who makes $10,000 a day, from the comfort of their home, be down in the armpit of P-town? Surely the back of this minivan is full of fresh tamales and chimichangas to be distribudored to the needy. After all, Babcockers don't just distribudor money, we distribudor love.

Vehicle Rating: 4.75/5 Blings™ -- Stylish and functional, the minivan has long been the choice of at-home billionaires

Logo Rating: 4/5 Blings™ -- Nice size, but could be bigger http://makemylogobiggercream.com

Use of Space: 4.5/5 Blings™ -- The minivan provides tremendous surface area and this entrepreneur has filled up a good amount

Business Rating: 3/5 Blings™ -- While we all know that 84 of the top 100 richest people on earth are Herbalife distribudors, there is still room to grow

Overall Rating: 4.15 Blings™

Buenas Nochas, Fetchers!!! ----- Chester

Rich and Resourceful

I can't tell you how many times I have left the bank after cashing a whopper and found myself in a tough spot. After all, a million dollars in $2 bills (classy) hardly fits inside the glove compartment of my Miata. So, I am only usually able to carry $100-200k at a time. Not exactly up to F'REAL standards, right?

So imagine my glee when my bro, Turd Ferguson, sent me this shot of a fellow home-based business mogul.

Not only is this entrepreneur able to advertise the highly lucrative Prepaid Legal opportunity, he has also devised a way to carry his fortune .... just throw it in a duffel bag and bungee it to the back. Ingenious!

This might actually win the Golden Cock™ Award this year for best use of automotive advertising. After all, it appears that the passenger door of this cherry 76' Vette was not just skinned, but completely replaced with a custom Prepaid Legal door. As far as I know, PPL reserves those for their top producers.

Car Rating: 5/5 Blings™ -- You can never go wrong with old American muscle. That's what she said.

Business Rating: 4/5 Blings™ -- Who doesn't want an attorney for $19 a month? Classy.

Use of Hand Signals: 0/5 Blings™ -- This tycoon had the chance to flash a peace sign or maybe a "hang loose, bro" but left us hanging.

Overall Rating: 4.25/5 Blings™ -- Tough to argue with a guy with a bag of money strapped to his Corvette.

Obama in 08', Fetchers!!!! ------ Chester Babcock

Distribuidor Independiente = Bling

For the past 200+ years, millions have fallen upon London, New York, Tokyo, and Los Angeles to seek their fortune. Little did they know that all they needed to do was take a short flight to the Provo, UT municipal airport and head 10 blocks east to South Freedom Blvd.

That is where I, Chester Babcock, the Baron of Bling stumbled upon this 1998 VW Jetta advertising the sweet nectar called Herbalife.

For those of us who know this product there simply is no doubt that the owner of this vehicle enjoys a Free Rich Elegant Amazing Life --- F'REAL.

Still, I was intrigued by the phrase, "Distribuidor Independiente." What could it possibly mean? After much research I came across this definition on Blingipedia.com.

Distribuidor Independienta - (dystreeebueedooor indeependeeahntay) - noun: One who makes $20,000/week from the comfort of their own home

And if you don't know, now you know. Vehicle Rating: 5/5 Blings™ -- VW Jettas epitomize German efficiency

Logo Rating: 4/5 Blings™ -- 3 separate fonts are great .... 15 would be better

Personalized Plate Rating: 1/5 Blings™ -- clearly the 282 refers to how many thousand dollars he/she made this week, but the VLM escapes me

Overall Rating: 3.75 Blings™

Trafalga Bbbllllllllliiinnnnngggggsssss Fetchers! --- Chester

Review: MassiveFortuneHomeBiz.com

by: Chester Babcock on May 14, 2008

Hey there, Fetchers:

I want to take the time to bring you yet another monumental success story from the world ... no, universe ... of home-based entrepreneurs.

Say hello to Tony and Elena of MassiveFortuneHomeBiz.com, who "now have the control of our lives and our time..."

Did you see that? If you caught what I caught you will see that they do not have "control" of their lives and time. No, they have "the control" of their lives and time. Any working stiff can have "control" of their time. But to have "the control" transcends all that is known and experienced for those working for The Man.

I remember when I first became worthy to put "the" before things over which I have control. That is when you know you have made it. I, along with Tony and Elena, control my the freedom, my the money, and even my the wife.

But I digress. Very simply, MassiveFortuneHomeBiz gives you the opportunity to have an "authentic home-based business that will - with some work on your part - lead to ever-escalating income." Now, I'm not sure I am down with the "some work on your part" clause, but I know Tony and Elena and I can tell you that their definition of work is to travel the world via parasails while their bank account grows.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what they do for a living. I wasn't able to find any information. However, isn't that what makes it brilliant? When you go to Monster.com to find a work-slave job, they sucker you in with detailed posts about the company, the position, qualification requirements, benefits, and salary. But, Tony and Elena know that if you want to create a massive fortune home biz, none of the status quo will work.

Domain Name Rating: 5/5 Blings™ -- we all know that there are no such thing as excessive adjectives

Image Rating: 4.5/5 Blings™ -- I love the yachts, vacations, and Porsches. Oh, Tony with cut-off sleeves is brilliant. However, I saw no photos that showed proof of past poverty.

Testimonial Rating: 4.25/5 Blings™ -- Multicutural following is great, but could have used some testimonials from at least one midget.

Jet Rating: 1/5 Blings™: 0/5 Blings™ -- I love a good jet as much as anyone, but a Gulfstrem G4? Come on ... Tony and Elena should be on a G5 at minimum. Bad form.

Anyways, my overall rating is 4/5 Blings™, which isn't too shabby.

The Peace, The Prosperity, and The Namaste, Fetchers!

First "Double Trouble" Sighting --- Get your pen and paper ready

Thanks to Peetr Nincompoop for sending in our latest F'REAL sighting.

This is a perfect example of the mobile advertising "Double Trouble." We have yet to see the Thrillogy, but I expect it soon.

What do we learn from this entry? A URL link on your window is good, but a personalized license plate takes it to the next level.

Personalized Plate Rule #1: Make sure the plate reflects your business model. I haven't yet visited the link to dreamstorealitynow.com, but by the license plate, "BYND IMG" I can surely guess ... Buy Notre Dame Images.

I love it. While our last entry was advertising stem cell pills ... a worthy cause and lucrative venture ... this home-based mogul specializes in sports memorabilia. Not as widespread of a following, but passionate nonetheless.
Here is a picture of the founder of Buy Notre Dame Images.





We have much to learn from this photo:

1. Home-based billionaires ALWAYS hang loose.
2. No home-based tycoon would ever use a PC.
3. His success is obvious as he has had so much business that he has no time to do any push-ups.
4. Who needs David Yurman jewelry when you can have pooka and hemp?

Anyway, thanks again to Peetr Nincompoop for the submission.

Namaste, fetchers.

------ Chester Babcock

An Astro Van will send your business to the stars!!!

Wake up, Mr. President! Wake up, Congress!

For years we have heard about the the promise of stem cell research and yet our government refuses to fund it.

Capitalism to the rescue!!!

While at Walmart the other night I ran across this 1991 Chevy Astro Van advertising not only stem cell pills, but a business opportunity as well! Yes, a stay-at-home dad with no high school diploma can cure major disease AND poverty at the same time.

One thing I loved about this vehicle branding was the functionality of the ride. You can't expect to sell countless bottles of stem cell powder out of a Mercedes or Cadillac sedan. You are going to need something to haul around the product and the money. An early-90's mini-van should do the trick.

Thoreau once said that success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.

Chester says that nice cars usually come to those who are too lazy to sell stem cell pills.